New shoes

I said I was going to get new shoes... I bought a pair of Fit Flops.
They're supposedly all the rage and are supposed to tone legs and butts. They come with a warning to wear them for a short time at first and work up as they can cause soreness.

Baloney.

They're glorified flip flops with an outrageous price tag and I fell for it. Either that or I'm in much better shape than I thought.

Oh well... the logo is so prominent on the front that everyone will know I am a flip flop fashionista!

Or a sucker...

I predict young brides will be buying these - or getting these as presents from bridesmaids - and decorating them with wedding paraphenalia. They can proclaim their bridal status, be hip, and get a backside workout all at the same time.

Horrible idea

I'm not 21. Haven't been 21 in a long time. I still look pretty good - height/weight proportionate, not too many wrinkles, really good "young" genes, and all that. Even so, a big pouffy wedding dress is out of the question. I'll probably wear a two piece suit designed for women my age, something one would wear to a very nice ladies' tea or daytime symphony event.

Even so, I would like the outfit to look a little "wedding-y." Is that too horrible? Probably not, but on the list of horrible things...

Horrible thing #1: cutting up my old wedding dress (it's designer, it's silk, it was gosh-awful expensive, it could be easily worn by another bride with minor modification to the butt bow)... in order to do...

Horrible thing #2: make the beautiful bodice into a tank to wear with whatever suit I end up getting.

The bodice is just gorgeous. It's off-white raw silk with hand beading and imported lace. Stunning. It would make a fabulous top to wear with a long formal skirt or with a suit. I don't know why I haven't thought of this before except I was saving the dress for a female relative on my X's side of the family who, naturally, doesn't want my dress anymore. And yes, the dress still fits me to a "T."

Is it invoking the wrath of the "wedding gods" to wear part of my old dress? Is is truly tacky?

There's lots of time to ponder this and get input - and recover from the shocking looks that are sure to come.

One ringie dingie...?

He saw a man about a ring.

I don't see a man with a ring.

I think I'll buy a new pair of shoes this week.

Saturday morning

*yawn*

2xB: "So what do you want to do this morning?"

HTB: "Breakfast..." (*kiss*) ..."then I need to take care of some things today. We'll go to the movies or something tonight."

2xB: " Things? What's on your list? More laundry? (Hahahahahahahaha!)"

HTB: "Errands."

2xB: "Well, since I've barely seen you this week, like not at all until last night, how about I come with you?"

HTB: "No, I need to take care of some things on my own."

>>>eyebrows rising slightly...<<<<
>>>>pondering, don't want to be distrustful or overly nosey/naggy...<<<<

2xB: "On your own? What, will it invalidate your Man Card or something if I come with you?"

HTB: "Cute. Very cute." *kiss*

2xB: "But I'm not coming with you...?"

HTB: "No. But I'll pick you up tonight at 7:30? 8:00?"

2xB: "Sounds good."

*yawn* stretch, put feet on floor, groan because I'm middle-aged and those teen years of playing basketball and volleyball very aggressively are coming back to haunt my knees....

We head out to breakfast in separate cars, guzzle gallons of coffee, eat every bit of our waffles and make noises about getting into better shape, and laugh at the latest political foibles in the news.

HTB: "I gotta go, Sweetie. Is 7:30 good with you?"

2xB: "Sure. Jeans? Dockers? Pretty skirt to flirt with?"

HTB: "Jeans. We'll grab a movie and make some Tex-Mex somewhere."

He walks me to my car, kisses me...

2xB: "Are you sure I can't come along?"

HTB: (walking away) "Yes... very sure. "

2xB: "Wait... where are you going?"

HTB: "To see a man about a ring."

Planning, his way, again

He's happy with the cake selection. I stop by the bakery once in a while to get a small cake in our chosen flavor for dessert and when he asks where it's from, I tell him. He smiles. He likes this bakery and this flavor and this cake. This is good.

Music he's still a little unsure about. We haven't visited with the pianist, but I remind him that we won't until I've got a ring and a firm date. The pianist is a friend of mine; I do not want to risk embarrassment, not that I think I'll have reason to be embarrassed, but I'm just not going to go there. I'm hoping that will bug him enough to get moving on the ring, but I don't know where we are with all that.

Flowers... I deliberately put very little money in the budget toward flowers so that it wouldn't be a big deal. I've told him the centerpieces will be made out of whatever flowers (probably roses or alstromeria) Costco has in season and can be put in large vases. Simple, inexpensive, and done. He likes that idea. No, I won't use carnations!

Invitations was about to be a major headache. I told him there was one store where every invitation book from every paper company in business was on the shelves. He was thrilled by the idea of going to one shop to see all the choices... until I told him the shop had at least 75 books which were each 5-6" thick with invitations, all different styles. Then I thought he was going to have a heart attack. Being the freakin' genius that I am, I pulled out a clear pocket folder with three invitation samples I pulled off the internet, all three with our probable wedding information filled in. I told him how I spent a slow day at work doing nothing but scouring invitations and pulled out these three, all three very different from each other. Fortunately, he liked the one I like best so that's the one will probably go with. When he mentions other choices, I ask him what day he would like to set aside to go to that one store with all the books. He breaks out into a momentary sweat and says the one we chose will be just fine.

But here's where it gets funny. I also scoured the 'net for Save The Dates. In looking at the millions of styles from very formal to very whimsical, I came up with a million ideas of my own. I've created a dozen original notes, customized them, and have shown him. He likes them all. But he won't pick one because he wants to come up with his own ideas. That's sweet, but he's not terribly creative in that area whereas that tends to be my strong suite. I put them away until I come up with another idea then pull them all out again and ask which one he likes best now. He likes them all, but wants to come up with his own idea. OK, when? He doesn't know... he doesn't have time to think about it right now as he's very busy with work. Right. And at the moment, I'm not so I have plenty of time to work on this so why not make it simple and chose one of these, or tell me to keep looking if he's just being nice and doesn't really like any of them? No, he wants to come up with his own idea.

We go through this again and again and each time I have newer creations to show him. He tells me I should start a business for Save The Dates. Maybe I will ... some day. But today, I need him to decide on what he likes best because these are going to be custom made by me. I need time to create the final prototype with the right papers, fonts, inks, in the right size for mailing, etc. And half of the ideas I have require assembly. I need a decision fairly soon. But he says he wants to come up with his own ideas.

I understand he wants to feel a part of this process. But he is very much a part of this process! {To wit, he's talked to the caterer, but I haven't!} He can think up ideas of his own, but he hasn't yet and I doubt he's going to spend a day sitting at his desk just thinking about Save The Date cards. Please. I just happen to have the time during the summer months to think about these things. Come Fall, I won't have a moment to sleep much less get creative.

Finally, I tell him it's not really flattering for him to dismiss my ideas in favor of a phantom idea that he may or may not come up with. I appreciate that he wants to be as involved as possible, but it's not being any less involved by choosing a design that I've created especially for us.

He understands.

We have not chosen our Save The Date cards yet.

Web sites for 2nd time brides?

There are thousands of wesbites for wedding planning - as long as you're a first time bride or a young "encore" bride doing it up big again. But I have yet to come across a web site for "encore" brides who are middle-aged, more mature, and who might have questions other than what to do about "blending" the families.

I don't have children, his children are mostly grown and live far far away. His kids and I genuinely like each other and have a great time when we're together but I will never be any sort of mother figure to them and out of respect to their own mother, I will not try to be someone I'm not. I will be their friend, an adult they can come to with problems if they so wish, and will, hopefully, be the woman who makes their father happiest beyond his wildest dreams. "Blending" families is not an issue for us. They have their own life, but will be most welcome to be a part of ours however much they wish.

Being the age that we are and having done the whole big wedding thing before, I know how to put together a wedding. I know how to do dinner parties, backyard parties, showers, cocktail parties, you name it. I got the whole thing down on how to address invitations. I know how to write a really good thank you note and I know to get it in the mail (snail, not email) inside of a week.

And I get from Emily Post and other pontificators of etiquette that I should wear a nice pale suit to my wedding, preferably something I can wear to a business meeting with a simple change of accessories, or something like that. And no matter what, NO VEIL. Alright already... no freakin' veil! I couldn't see through one anyway... I can't see without my reading glasses much less trying to walk with a bunch of mosquito netting in my face.

I'm confident in what we'll be doing. I guess I just want some sort of confirmation that I'm doing it right, that there isn't a new trend or a new rule I should know about.

Shhhhhhhh.....

Nope, I'm not telling anyone I know I'm planning a wedding. I don't have a ring and the date has already changed once. I don't doubt that we're getting married. I'm not one of those "if I wish it enough, it will come true" kind of person. He would not waste his valuable time house hunting, or going ring shopping (and stressing out over it all) if he was not serious. He wouldn't involve me in his children's lives he were not serious (and I would not allow him to even introduce me to his children until it was 99.9% certain this is where we were headed).

But in the event something happens, I don't want egg on my face, he doesn't want egg on his face. We're pretty private people anyway. Even so, having dated for so long and being involved with each other's families, it won't come as a surprise to anyone. I just don't want to be one of those brides who gets caught up in only talking about the wedding, the kind of person everyone starts to avoid, especially when the bride is over 40.

Memo to 2nd time brides: Keep it to yourself as long as you can, then tell only who needs to know or you'll suddenly find your small wedding is not adequate for all the friends, co-workers, acquaintances you've met in your lifetime who assume they'll be invited. And, really now... just like it's not attractive for middle-aged women to bear their midriffs, it's not attractive for us to gush like 20-somethings doing it for the first time. Be happy, yes. Be a bottle of leaking syrup, no.

That said, I have told one person who is my confidant and old enough to be my mother since my own mother is not well and has cognitive problems now. Lenore is a real jewel and having had her own adult children go through divorce and remarriage, she is great with listening and advising. And, we do talk about other things in life most of the time. :-)

Music

I've sent queries to three string quartets. Two replied, one did not. The two that replied are priced right for what they do and their skill level (excellent), but it's more expensive than I thought they would be by about $200. I can shell out the additional $200, but I'm trying to contain costs. This is a small event and we've BTDT before.

I'm going to go with a pianist instead. I know someone who's the music director at a large church and he does weddings and parties outside of his church. He's absolutely fabulous! I inquired about his rate without him knowing it was MY wedding we're talking about so I have his real rate and it's perfect. I'll even be saving money in the music budget and have padded his time so we can go longer if we want.

Of course, Husband-to-be wants to hear his playing first. I can understand that, but he really needs to trust me on musicians since I am one. Nevertheless, we will visit with my friend, but not until I get a ring. I'm still not telling anyone about any of this until there's a ring.

Cakes

We've decided on a bakery.

He knew I had my heart set on one particular bakery because their cakes are the best and their chief designer is world-renowned. And yes, expensive, but the cakes are sooooo good and absolutely beautiful to behold! He got my last birthday cake from this bakery so he knows how good they are.

However, to be fair to the planning process since he's so thorough with details, I scoped out several bakeries, including the local grocery store chains. I got pricing, flavor lists, brochures, printed photos of cakes off the internet and put it all in a folder for him to review. I even bought cakes or petit fours for him to try. He loved the sampling and, for a while, a grocery store cake was the winner, until we priced the cakes from his favorite bakery. It's not my favorite bakery, but they do a nice enough job and the prices are incredibly reasonable. So we're going to go with S Bakery.

We also have decided on sheet cakes for serving to the guests and a small 8" cake for us to cut for pictures. That will cut the cost dramatically. We will not be telling the bakery it's for a wedding because we noticed in the price lists that the SAME cake goes for more on the wedding price list vs. the regular cakes price list. No difference in flavor, layers, icing... no difference at all except the word "wedding."

Since we won't mention the word "wedding" to the bakery, we can also place the order just a few days before without having to shell out a deposit.

Memo to ALL brides: Curb your excitement and refrain from telling vendors you're planning a wedding. The prices quite often jump. If they don't need to know in order for you to make a decision or purchase, don't tell them.

Planning, his way

Husband-to-be wants to be involved in the planning, but he doesn't want to start planning. I've reiterated that thinking of ideas and talking about it now will mean that we are more likely to get what we want, at a good price, and we won't regret any decisions made along the way since we won't have to rush rush rush at the last minute. He sees the wisdom in that, but I don't think he's really ready to accept that he's getting married again. It's been a nice thought that we're headed that way, but seeing invitation samples and talking about musicians has him a little freaked out. He sees dollars zooming out of his wallet even though not one dime has been spent and no contracts have been signed.

However, he has enjoyed sampling the cakes I've picked up from various bakeries.

Memo to ALL brides: the way to a man's heart really is through the stomach so start with cake sampling. Bring cakes to HIM and ask his opinion. Later you can move on to other topics.

To get him less freaked out about those imaginary dollars walking out of his wallet in the middle of the night without his knowledge, we sat down the other day and talked about the budget. He wanted to know how much everything would cost. I said it would depend on what we wanted to do about music, cake, photography, flowers, reception and the best thing for him is to give me a total figure that he's comfortable with and I would work within it. I do have experience at this, after all.

Since he already knows where he wants the reception to be and has already talked to the caterer (but I haven't), he knows ballpark costs for that. So we started there and then added in some more figures I think are reasonable for the cake, a smattering of flowers, invitations, music, photography, favors. The total comes to under $5000.

Did I mention we're figuring on 80 guests?

It's going to be nice, elegant, simple, fun.... I am a freakin' wedding genius and he loves me.

Almost engaged...

My husband-to-be hasn't officially proposed yet.

We've been dating well over two years, have met each other's families and spent holidays with them, have the blessings of his just about grown daughters, and have been looking at houses for over a year.

At the first of the year, it was agreed we would get hitched some time in 2008. Yea!

We started ring shopping about a month ago and I had a perfectly nice set selected and thought it was a done deal only to find out he wanted to visit with more jewelers and see if what we decided on was really a good deal. We went to more jewelry stores and I picked out another perfectly nice set at another store. He likes it just fine but noted that it cost a little more than the other set from the other store. I smiled nicely and said, "Every time we go shopping for a new set after I've made up my mind on one, you can pretty much guarantee any new selections will be more expensive. Might want to stop while you're ahead." He took note and we haven't been shopping since.

But I don't have a ring either. He wants to talk to the jeweler some more about diamond selections and pricing. That's fine with me. And he wants to do up some nice proposal scheme. Okaaaaaay...

But I don't need a nice fancy proposal scheme. We're middle-aged. We've done this before. It's not exactly a surprise. My first husband was going to do a nice proposal thing, but was so excited when he picked up the ring that he rushed over and gave it to me as I stood in the laundry room, looking like a disaster, wearing rubbing gloves and a quantity of Comet as I had been scrubbing the floor. Not the romantic luncheon I thought was going to happen, and as it turned out, an omen to the rest of our time together. But that's another saga for another time.

So when are we getting hitched? Next year, I think. We had a date "set" for later this year, but he thinks he won't be ready to take the plunge. He has a few family things to deal with and close the door on before he can devote more time to wedding planning and getting a new house. A new date has been selected for near the end of winter; maybe the weather gods will cooperate.

So here we are... a middle-aged couple on the way to the altar, again.

I'm excited. He wants to be excited. I think this can be fun.