Planning, his way, again

He's happy with the cake selection. I stop by the bakery once in a while to get a small cake in our chosen flavor for dessert and when he asks where it's from, I tell him. He smiles. He likes this bakery and this flavor and this cake. This is good.

Music he's still a little unsure about. We haven't visited with the pianist, but I remind him that we won't until I've got a ring and a firm date. The pianist is a friend of mine; I do not want to risk embarrassment, not that I think I'll have reason to be embarrassed, but I'm just not going to go there. I'm hoping that will bug him enough to get moving on the ring, but I don't know where we are with all that.

Flowers... I deliberately put very little money in the budget toward flowers so that it wouldn't be a big deal. I've told him the centerpieces will be made out of whatever flowers (probably roses or alstromeria) Costco has in season and can be put in large vases. Simple, inexpensive, and done. He likes that idea. No, I won't use carnations!

Invitations was about to be a major headache. I told him there was one store where every invitation book from every paper company in business was on the shelves. He was thrilled by the idea of going to one shop to see all the choices... until I told him the shop had at least 75 books which were each 5-6" thick with invitations, all different styles. Then I thought he was going to have a heart attack. Being the freakin' genius that I am, I pulled out a clear pocket folder with three invitation samples I pulled off the internet, all three with our probable wedding information filled in. I told him how I spent a slow day at work doing nothing but scouring invitations and pulled out these three, all three very different from each other. Fortunately, he liked the one I like best so that's the one will probably go with. When he mentions other choices, I ask him what day he would like to set aside to go to that one store with all the books. He breaks out into a momentary sweat and says the one we chose will be just fine.

But here's where it gets funny. I also scoured the 'net for Save The Dates. In looking at the millions of styles from very formal to very whimsical, I came up with a million ideas of my own. I've created a dozen original notes, customized them, and have shown him. He likes them all. But he won't pick one because he wants to come up with his own ideas. That's sweet, but he's not terribly creative in that area whereas that tends to be my strong suite. I put them away until I come up with another idea then pull them all out again and ask which one he likes best now. He likes them all, but wants to come up with his own idea. OK, when? He doesn't know... he doesn't have time to think about it right now as he's very busy with work. Right. And at the moment, I'm not so I have plenty of time to work on this so why not make it simple and chose one of these, or tell me to keep looking if he's just being nice and doesn't really like any of them? No, he wants to come up with his own idea.

We go through this again and again and each time I have newer creations to show him. He tells me I should start a business for Save The Dates. Maybe I will ... some day. But today, I need him to decide on what he likes best because these are going to be custom made by me. I need time to create the final prototype with the right papers, fonts, inks, in the right size for mailing, etc. And half of the ideas I have require assembly. I need a decision fairly soon. But he says he wants to come up with his own ideas.

I understand he wants to feel a part of this process. But he is very much a part of this process! {To wit, he's talked to the caterer, but I haven't!} He can think up ideas of his own, but he hasn't yet and I doubt he's going to spend a day sitting at his desk just thinking about Save The Date cards. Please. I just happen to have the time during the summer months to think about these things. Come Fall, I won't have a moment to sleep much less get creative.

Finally, I tell him it's not really flattering for him to dismiss my ideas in favor of a phantom idea that he may or may not come up with. I appreciate that he wants to be as involved as possible, but it's not being any less involved by choosing a design that I've created especially for us.

He understands.

We have not chosen our Save The Date cards yet.